Good morning!, (or), Ode to Bacon

As a concession to age, about five days out of seven for the past 10 years I’ve eaten, for breakfast, cottage cheese and yogurt mixed up together.

It’s starting to get on my nerves. Not happening for me.

It is not cottage cheese’s fault and it is not yogurt’s fault, though they are each be easy targets. Cottage cheese is good for you but it couldn’t run out of sight in a day and a half. So much for it being “healthy.”

Cottage cheese is supposed to be just about the most perfect man-made (no offense to cows) food there is. A fistful of it is packed full of protein. It is low in fat and has carbs, calcium, magnesium, potassium, iron ore and tin, and a four-ounce serving contains more than 12 percent the daily recommended helping of cottage.

When I am eating it I try not to think of the word “curd.” Curd does not sound good but, well, there is no getting around that those are the little things half floating around in the other stuff, which is, I suppose, curd runoff.

It is not an especially ugly food – it is lumpy and white, like good homemade mashed potatoes – but it will win no beauty contest for you either.

Never until I started eating cottage cheese and yogurt together had I eaten cottage cheese alone. It doesn’t taste like anything really, but if you had to say it DID taste like something, you would think of something bad.

That is just my opinion.

But mix cottage cheese and yogurt together – say a vanilla or strawberry yogurt, whatever you prefer – and bingo!, you have a healthy combo that does not taste bad at all. Drop some blueberries or bananas and/or granola in there and you’ve got a most decent leadoff hitter.

Good, and good for you.

There are only two drawbacks.

One, after a while, curds and yogurt lose that sensual BAM!, you know, the one they never really had in the first place. After a decade, you have an excuse for waking each morning and crying over spoiled (spoilt?) milk.

The second drawback: cottage cheese and yogurt is no bacon and eggs. And bacon and eggs is the flagship of the breakfast armada.

You’ve got your French toast. Your waffle. Even your morning pork chop or sausage, patty or link. Outstanding all.

But if the go-to breakfast foods were lined up and we’re choosing team captains, bacon and eggs would be my first selection. Cottage cheese is the kid who does not get picked.

The multi-talented egg needs no introduction, and just smelling a home where bacon fries makes you feel like you can make it one more day, no matter how tough the sledding.

Bacon is to meats what brown sugar is to sweets: it just makes everything better.

Bacon makes people smile. Bacon beats cottage cheese in a footrace 10 times out of 10. I wish my name were Sir Teddy Bacon.

My second draft pick: biscuit. The chef is key, but even a buttered canned biscuit will at least look at you in the eye.

Third draft pick: grits. But only if someone who knows how to make them are in charge. Bad grits might as well be cottage cheese.

Now you can come in with all your fillers, your pastries, Stuff With Syrup On It, fruit and hash browns. (I love hash browns.)

Chocolate milk. Orange juice. Coffee. Eat all that and your day is made and you haven’t even left the house yet.

(Originally ran February 2013. I’m still eating yogurt and cottage cheese, and it’s still good for you. AND it’s still not bacon.)

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